mylifeinaminute.com

I’m sure somewhere out there exists a software salesperson with the ability to realize when they are not going to make a sale. From my experience, this special type of person is one of the rarest on Earth, an endangered species. From the salesperson with the plaque on their wall reading “Smile and Dial Mofo!” to the reserved, knowledgeable salesperson, their flaws always show sooner rather than later. Selling is a science, and salespeople are the ultimate scientists, with Einsteins and idiots to spare.

Why can’t you understand when I tell you that I have no interest in changing platforms from an established, entrenched vendor to your less functional, broken, hobbled piece of garbage? Why don’t you listen when I tell you that even if your platform is better, we will never migrate to it for purely political reasons? Why is the concept of losing a client that you never had in the first place so hard to cope with? Why do I have to provide my requirements in triplicate all for you to not be able to meet one of them, yet still require a three hour meeting to come to this conclusion?

I understand that cold calling and qualifying leads is a fact of life and a necessary part of the business world today. Yet for all of its necessity (if only so one more salesperson can survive), I can never grasp how someone having such a crass measure of success is able to earn a living. Do you realize that Patchouli smell that permeates from your pores does not mask the fact that you smoke? That your gum chewing is even more annoying in person that on the phone? (Why does this have to apply to so many salespeople)?

How can a customer be better qualified by you, the sales staff from the start? I suggest the following:

• Develop a series of meaningful questions that will help you to open a constructive dialog with your perspective client.
• Attempt to show some level of competence about the product you are selling. If you do not know any answer to a question that you are asked, it is acceptable to get us the answer at a later time (assuming we are still in the qualification stage).
• If I am seeking a piece of middle-ware, do not attempt to push a new platform down my throat.
• I am not interested in switching from Notes to Exchange, Microsoft SQL to Oracle, SharePoint to your custom CMS, etc.. With that in mind, please stop trying to convince me that switching is good for me.
• Understanding that platforms/products are often closed, it is appreciated when your product offers an API to expose certain internal functionalities. Do not tell me that being able to access a web service that returns the current version number of your product is an acceptable API implemenation.
• Accept that if your product does not work for us in it’s current form, it will not work for us. Do not attempt to sell me on workarounds/customizations that your staff can perform just for me. I do not want to be the non-upgradeable client because you sold me version 2.00.0034.052 Beta 1 RC 2 with hooks just for me.

While I am sure that I am writing about the minority (or at least I hope I am), realize that you reflect upon your colleagues and friends also. Make the world a better place by applying yourself to helping your clients first, and yourself second.